Thursday… A Dramedy in Several Parts.

Part I

We open with Katie refusing to get ready for school this morning because she needed to make a storybook for Chelsea.  She was two hours late for school.  (Note:  It’s Pre-K and it’s Quaker so the school didn’t seem to care.  I, on the other hand, did.)

Part II

I am informed that the copier is not yet fixed from yesterday.  It needs more parts.  The copier is networked as our fax, printer and copier.  I must bring a fax machine from home.

Part III

Katie does not wished to be picked up when I arrive to get her.  I have to forcibly remove her from the room.  She is screaming, refuses to wear a coat (thermometer says 31 outside).  Parents are staring.  They are Quakers.  Quakers do not scream.

Part IV

Amy falls asleep on the way home from picking up Katie.  She is not happy to get out of the car.  She spends the next hour screaming at the top of her lungs.

Part V

I attempt to Skype with Chris in Germany.  Amy is still screaming.  Katie is crawling all over me.  Charlie is clinging to me like a monkey.  All four of us are sitting in a cheap computer chair from Office Depot.  I am not happy.

Part VI

After we Skype, I send Katie downstairs to set the table while I get Charlie ready for dinner.  We have made pizza (black olive and mushroom, the girls put the toppings on) and the oven is beeping.  Katie starts screaming on the way down the stairs.  She had an accident.  There is pee everywhere.   I go to clean it up.  Katie spends the next several minutes yelling, "You’re walking in the pee!" and crying.

Part VII

Amy follows me into the kitchen and starts shrieking, "Somebody left dog poop!" and pointing at the floor.  It is a smushed olive.  I tell her so and clean it up with a paper towel.  She next asks, "Why did you clean it up?" and then says, sullenly, "Katie did it."  She will not stop talking.

Part VIII

More crying.  I put the plates on the table and Katie freaks out because hers is blue.  She wants purple.  I silently curse Chris for going away.

Part IX

Everyone is seated.  Katie now has a purple plate.  There is no more crying for a moment.  I go into the kitchen to get paper towels.  I hear a crash and Katie screams, "Charlie!" and starts crying again.  I rush out, fearing the worst.  Charlie is fine.  However, Charlie "the Hulk" has managed to grow arms three feet long and pull the cutting board off of the table.  The cutting board had the pizza on it.  The pizza is now face down on the floor.  I think for a brief moment and decide that I might be able to salvage the pizza.  I go into the kitchen to get a spatula.  I hear Katie yelling "Lyle is eating it!"  and yes, Lyle is now eating the pizza.  I call for delivery.

Part X

I order pizza from the mediocre pizza place down the street because it is only two blocks away.  The pizza takes 45 minutes to get to the house and it is cold.  The girls have snacked so much in the interim that they are no longer hungry which is good because the pizza is not even mediocre; it is not good in the least.

Part XI

At 45 minutes past their bedtime, the girls are still getting into pajamas.  Amy had pooped in her diaper and insisted on going potty nonetheless.  Normally, I am all about the effort.  But I am tired and I am grumpy.  Katie is having a fit swearing that she has to go potty, too.  I tell her to use the little potty.  She pees all over it.  She gets up, looks at me and says, "Can I brush my teeth again?"  I try to resist the urge to kill her.

Part XII

At 55 minutes past bedtime, Amy has finally gotten into her pajamas.  I was not allowed to help.  My hair was graying watching her put on pajama bottoms for 10 minutes interspersed with "I can’t do it!" and "Don’t help me!".  She put her shirt on backwards.  It remains backwards. 

Part XIII

It has to be almost midnight.  I am ridiculously exhausted.  And grumpy.  I look at the clock.  It is 8:30pm.  Apparently, God hates me.

Tagged as: motherhood, parenting