My Own Show.
A friend of mine was surprised to hear that I had not enrolled Katie in camp, day school or anything similar over summer break. I remarked that I thought that she could use some time off - she is, after all, only five. I also mentioned that I could manage working from home a few days per week during the summer so that I could stay home with her.
“That’s right,” my friend replied. “You’re lucky that you don’t have to work.”
Whoa, Nelly. Not work?
I let it go because it wasn’t worth the argument that I usually make. But, as I sit up this morning at 2 a.m. with work on my mind, it is still bothering me.
It bothers me that there’s a perception that working from home - or running your own show - is viewed as fast and loose, as if there’s no worries, no structure. That it’s just one big vacation with an occasional (yawn) bit of work tucked in here and there. It’s not true by any stretch of the imagination - and it’s maddening to think that people who know me still think this.
I work hard. Running your own show isn’t just about the “work” - it’s about all of the other things that go along with it. While other companies have HR departments, tax accountants and office managers, we have… me. My husband and I (we work together) do everything from filing to hiring to firing to writing checks and paying bills. Yes, we have staff. But when staff doesn’t show up or things need to be done and there’s no one else to do it, guess who that falls to? You betcha.
Marketing? That would be us.
Tech support? Ditto.
Billing issue? Um, us again.
You see, it’s my name (and my husband’s name) attached to our firm. If something goes wrong, it’s all about us.
When I worked for other companies - big companies like my friend works for now - I didn’t lay awake at night worried about the product. I didn’t worry about how to market, when (or if) I was getting paid, how I was managing staff. I didn’t worry that someone might have a bad experience at the company and blame me. It wasn’t my company. I punched in, I did my job, I went home at night. I left my work - and the worries related to it - at the workplace.
When you work from home - or even if you have an office like we do - when you run your own show, you can’t just check your worries at the door. Those worries follow you everywhere. I find myself wondering, no matter where I am, if bills went out, whether we need stamps, whether the letters that I asked to be sent out were actually mailed. I am constantly jotting notes down (my computers at work and at home are full of post it notes) to remind me to check on this matter or find out what’s going on with a client. I constantly review work product from other people, knowing that it’s my name on that letterhead. I sometimes have phone calls to make, apologizing for things that didn’t happen the way that they should have - and things that weren’t even my fault - but knowing that, at the end of the day, it’s my name and my reputation that I need to protect. So I do what I have to do.
I’m not complaining. I made a definite choice to shun the big firm culture and hang my own shingle. And I stand by that decision. I’ve grown a practice from the third floor of my home to a well-respected firm with a global presence. But don’t be fooled into thinking that it was easy. It most definitely was not. It was - and it is - absolutely hard work.
It’s funny because even many lawyers associate working for yourself as a step down, as if you have opted to take the easy road. Those lawyers have no idea. They may sit in their glassed in offices and think that they know everything about the practice of law. They don’t. They know what being an employee means. Those are different things.
My husband is fond of saying that he thinks one of the reasons that his corporate clients respect him is because he has real world experience. These kids straight out of school? The ones that are getting paid six figures on day one to sit in an office and talk about law? Who are they to advise a small business owner on how to run a business? What do they even know about payroll and employees and the real, day-to-day struggles of trying to make it? When you’re charging someone hundreds of dollars per hour for advice, perhaps you should know a little more about your subject than what you’ve managed to read in a book.
We lawyers who work for ourselves? We know. We know what it means to run a business, to manage a company, to worry about every dollar. It’s called working in the real world. And our perspective matters.
And yes, just like when I worked at a bigger firm, I still have to get my legal work done at the firm in addition to running the office. I go to court and write letters and have client meetings - just like those lawyers at the big firms. Judges set conferences and court dates and deadlines for me just like anyone else. Tax deadlines loom just the same.
And whenever I want to take a vacation, I have to remember that clients don’t like the uncertainty of a day or two without their lawyer. It is my practice and I’m the one that they want. It is, after all, my name on the door.
So, this summer, while I may not be at the office every day, I’m still working. There is still much to be done whether I’m in my law school tee shirt and shorts or all dressed up, whether at the office or at home. It’s tough, this profession. And being on your own? Even tougher. Don’t let anybody tell you different.
July 6th, 2007 at 8:07 am
That’s exactly why I work for a firm. I don’t have the energy or drive to do what you do everyday … although my husband and dad do, so I understand how much work it really is.
July 6th, 2007 at 8:27 am
I hear you!
Sounds familiar to me in many ways since most people believe professors don’t really “work.” Never mind that we forgo nearly a decade of income to go to school (and when you get out if you’re cobbling together multiple part-time jobs, since more than half of college courses are taught by part-timers, you’re probably still below the poverty line with no health insurance) and that if you’re in the humanities you will be making less than a public school teacher in many places if you are lucky enough to land a “real” job. People think you’re in class nine hours a week and go home, when the reality is that junior faculty still trying to achieve tenure are usually working WAY more than 40-50 hours a week (and if you’re a woman you’re taking a big gamble if you have a baby before tenure, which means your childbearing years are owned by your employer — the maternity leave “counts against your tenure clock” so it’s not really leave). It’s a difficult choice to become a college professor, not a lazy one. The English dept. at William and Mary has had a statement on its website for at least 15 years or so that you should consider this career choice akin to choosing to be an actor — it’s something you should only do if you can’t see yourself being happy doing anything else — because only about half of the people who complete a PhD in that field are ever able to land full-time employment with benefits. Those are rotten odds. And that’s why you have to work so hard; there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people waiting to replace you so the standards can be impossibly high. Granted, I’m not responible for the whole kit and caboodle the way you are for your firm, but the work is very much a solitary affair, and you still have to pay out of pocket for an awful lot of the travel, books, etc. it takes to get the job done. You’re very much “on your own” in a lot of ways. I know my neighbors don’t get it that I actually work during the summer. They always talk about all that “time off” that I have — everyone always does. I just don’t have quite as much rigidly scheduled time, but there’s a lot of research and grading and students expect answers to email at midnight . . . but you know all this, Kelly. You’ve taught, too. I guess I’m just saying I know where you’re coming from and I know you’re working AND I’m impressed that you’re able to juggle it with the three little ones. I can barely handle taking care of ME!
July 6th, 2007 at 8:36 am
Laura -
Thanks!
And I know what you’re saying. One of my best friends is married to a guy with a Ph.D. in Slavic Studies (albeit a niche) and he had a really hard time finding a job. University jobs are extremely competitive - and as I found out, very “who you know” (much like law). I was asked to do a lot of “volunteer” work when I was teaching in order to get the next job, you know, be a mentor, be an advisor, throw an event. It’s crazy.
July 6th, 2007 at 9:22 am
I’m just a wee assistant, but I work in a small firm - just 2 lawyers and me. I know that the managing partner experiences a lot of stress about keeping things going. My dad also started his own company, and he was ALWAYS working - even when he wasn’t.
As someone starting on this law school journey and thinking about what I might do afterwards, I wonder if you’re glad you chose to head out on your own? I like the idea of the autonomy of it, but the costant-ness concerns me a bit.
July 6th, 2007 at 9:37 am
I am constantly amazed by all that you (and your husband) do for your family, firm, and community. I cannot believe that anyone would think you don’t work.
My mom works from home and her chief complaint is that everyone seems to be under the impression that she isn’t working. Sure, she can stay in pajamas or watch TV but at the end of the day the work has to be finished.
July 6th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
I have worked as an assistant/paralegal in small firms and for sole practitioners, and know exactly how much has to get done. I applaud you! While I think that I would like to do the same one day, it will be when my kids are in college (since I feel like they’re practically there already), not when they’re little and needing so much.
I did work at home (my own business) when they were babies, though. It was likely one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I was often up until 2 a.m. to get the work finished, because the kids had been up crying until 11, or whatever. It is a hard, hard thing “doing it all.” My sister-in-law has a 6 week old and is considering quitting her job to look for work at home, and I’m seriously cautioning her with the realities.
However - it is a very different kind of stress when you’re wholly dependent on someone else. When your time is scrutinized, and when you know that someone is watching the clock to see when you arrive. “Working” in a 9-5 (or more) environment may bring me less exhaustion and day-to-day stress than when I was on my own, but when something goes wrong, or threatens to go wrong (I’m thinking of rotovirus, or poison oak on 2 little ones and self) and you actually have to worry about losing your livelihood … it’s hard. I can see where someone would equate “work” with the idea of being in a set location for a set number of hours, and the threat of discipline or worse if that expectation is not fulfilled. I’m sure that in their mind you WORK, but you can do it at 2 a.m.
The stress created by the combination of childcare and work hours is probably the worst I’ve ever experienced. The most sickening and life-is-spinning-out-of-control feeling I’ve ever had was when full time childcare fell through at a crucial moment. My husband ended up having to give up a new job.
I’m honestly not sure which I’d choose right now, though, coming out of 3 weeks where I was trying to do “work” (studying for the bar exam) with the kids home.
July 6th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
Quirky,
It was absolutely the right decision for me. Is it hard? Do I hate it sometimes? Yes and yes. But I’ve done the bigger firm thing and it wasn’t my style. I like working on my terms. I want to choose my staff, choose my clients, choose how I market myself.
When I first entered law school, I had this notion that I was going to make a difference in the world. At the bigger firm - or when I was in house counsel - I didn’t have the opportunity to do the kinds of cases that I wanted to do. At my own firm, I do.
And I get to work with my husband, who I not only enjoy being around, but I have a lot of respect for. He’s a smart guy, he’s honest and he works hard. If I had to choose a partner (not just in life), it would be him. So I did.
So, yeah, I’m glad that I’m on my own. Would I have done things differently? Of course. I’ve made some bad business decisions, some not so great personnel decisions. I’ve spent money foolishly. I’ve trusted in clients that took advantage of me. But that’s the way the business world works. The key is to learn from your mistakes and move on. That’s what I try to do.
July 18th, 2007 at 10:47 am
I just came upon your blog. WONDERFUL!!!!