I Am A Wuss. Judge Me.
Yep, I’m starting the post off that way because I already know what’s coming… Put your judge-y pants on, folks, I’m bracing.
Charlie does not like preschool so far. Um, that’s not exactly right. He has demonstrated a full on dislike. As in screaming, crying, clinging and protesting an hour in advance, “I don’t want to go to school.”
It’s not the preschool. I am fully convinced that it’s a great place. I volunteer there once per week and Amy went to the 3 year old class last year and is in the 4 year old class this year, and she loves it. She can’t wait to go to school every morning, despite some initial concerns when she found out that her two closest friends from last year would not be returning. She’s already made new friends and all is well.
But Charlie? Nope and nope. He wants to stay home.
Most days, I wouldn’t care. But on Monday, I had work to do. Serious work. I had to finish up corporate tax returns and send off an article, all before noon.
So picture me at the preschool. Charlie starts screaming when the car stops (yes, I usually walk but I had to get to the office after). Amy hops out, happy to go to her classroom. Charlie screams some more.
We walk through the main classroom area, where I usually drop off Charlie. He starts a death grip. I decide to walk to Amy’s room first and help her get situated, and thought perhaps Charlie would join her in her classroom for the early morning (he has before). No way.
I walk downstairs and the clutching tightens. The screaming gets louder.
I talk to his teacher. More screaming.
She offers to take him, he grabs me like a little monkey, actually attached to my body. In fact, I was able to let go of him and he was still there, in a panic, clawing onto me.
At this point, I am nearly in tears.
His teacher says to me, “It’s up to you. I can take him. He’ll be fine after you go.”
And I know that he will be. But I also couldn’t leave him like that. So I didn’t. I took him with.
I can give all of the excuses in the world - he had been sick, blah, blah, blah, but at the end of the day, I just didn’t have it in me to have him freaking out like that. I would not have been able to work any better while I worried.
I told his teacher that I knew I was acting like one of those moms. And I didn’t care.
Later, my friend told me that I needed to “stop that now” before it got out of hand. I told her that I wasn’t worried. I am not going to make him go if he doesn’t want to. Kids are different - Katie hated her first regular daycare but loved Pre-K from Day One. Amy came home from preschool angry at me because I “only” let her go three half days per week. Within two weeks, she was going every day.
Charlie will stay with babysitters - even those he has only met once - and friends, no problem. He just won’t stay in group care settings. And maybe it was me spoiling him, but honestly, I just don’t care.
I told my friend that I didn’t worry that he would be off to Harvard one day, clutching at my leg and screaming “I don’t want to go to school!” I think he’ll grow out of it. He’s two. That’s much earlier than the girls went to regular out of home care… Amy was 3-1/2 before she went to preschool on a daily basis. Maybe two years old is too early - for my kids, not as a rule.
So my plan is to see what happens.