Stop with the eye-rolling already. I am not pregnant.
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: I’ve failed the “Kelly is gaining weight test.” You’re only half right on that one. I haven’t actually gained weight, it’s just oh-so-helpfully moved around. All of the walking and running I’ve been doing has resulted in better legs but a big ol’ stomach. Sigh and sigh.
And the stupid banded skirt? Not a nod towards maternity. I didn’t notice the “stretch waist” feature. Blame Lands End, not me. And for the record, Lands End, it doesn’t slim you, it makes you look like you’re pregnant. Which I’m not. Sheesh.
Even if you think I’m fibbing on the weight test, keep in mind that’s only a part of the telltale “Kelly is pregnant” test. You’re forgetting: 1, Kelly’s not drinking real coffee; 2, Kelly’s not drinking alcohol; and the oh so important, 3, Chris isn’t letting Kelly shovel snow.
I’m drinking coffee alright. Morning and afternoon. I even had coffee and espresso on my camping trip last weekend.
I’m drinking alcohol. I just opened a nice bottle of Slovenian wine on Tuesday (yes, they make decent wine there!) and am looking forward to a big fat martini tonight (it’s date night).
And while you may have me on a technicality on the “Chris isn’t letting Kelly shovel snow” – cause it’s May – if it makes you feel any better, he did let me rearrange the slate slabs in the stone patio over the weekend.
So, there. Not pregnant. Just sleep deprived and chubby.
