Fat Isn’t the New Black.
I know. This is old news. But it still bothers me. I guess it bothers me most because I’m conflicted.
On the one hand, I feel badly for Tyra. I think she’s stunning - one of the most beautiful models in the world. And I don’t think she deserves the amount of crap that she’s getting about her weight (reportedly 161 pounds at 5′10"). People gain weight. People get older. Get over it already.
But on the other hand, she’s made her money in an industry that makes no bones (pun totally intended) about the fact that skinny is 100% equated with beautiful. Fat girls are not pretty.
You know that I have struggled with this concept for my whole life. It’s tough being overweight. It’s tough for a million reasons but mostly it’s because our society is overly judgmental and overly cruel about fat people.
The thing that is so terrible is that we are so willing to embrace those that are skinny as having this amazing willpower and assume that those who are overweight simply lack self-policing. Wrong.
If you read the things that folks are saying about Tyra now, you’ll see what I am talking about. People are calling her "lazy" and a "fat ass" as if those are synonymous. Lazy? Hardly. The woman has two hit TV shows. How is that remotely lazy?
And me? I have no time in the day… especially for exercising. This is because I am chasing three children, running a business, chairing a few committees, writing a book and trying to maintain some semblance of a normal life with my husband. Definitely not lazy. But I’m an easy target - like a number of people who are overweight. People cannot fathom how that could possibly happen unless I - like Tyra, apparently - am sitting around tossing bonbons into my mouth and doing little else. And they offer no sympathy.
But Kate Moss? Skinny Kate Moss? She can snort all the coke that she can get her anorexic little hands on apparently and the world feels collective sympathy for her.
Okay, no hate mail from Narcotics Anonymous. This isn’t meant to be a slam on drug addicts. Or alcoholics (just wait). My point, though, is that society is generally willing to give folks with other kinds of addictive behaviors the benefit of the doubt. We generally give some credence to those struggles. But add a pound or two…? Gasp. Then you’re just disgusting.
And I guess that’s what I’m finding so hard to understand about all the hoopla. Lindsay Lohan enters rehab for drinking too much, we’re asked to respect her privacy. Keith Urban enters rehab for cocaine use, he gets a standing ovation at the CMAs. And yes, I think that recovery is a huge undertaking and those who succeed deserve kudos. But apply this same standard to overeating? We wouldn’t think of it. When Kirstie Alley went on a diet, you didn’t hear, "Good for her." You heard, "About damn time."
We’re willing to forgive some kinds of behavior but not being fat. In our society, fat is still so very gauche.
We’re also willing to be more than generous with our use of the word "fat." Tyra’s weight actually puts here within the acceptable range for her height. But the slams? The tabloids labeled her “Tyra Porkchop” and “Fatty Fatty Boombalatty”. Bloggers call her "lard ass" and "fat ass" - they say that she’s "past her prime" and "big as a house."
Sigh.
It scares me to think my daughters are growing up in a society where we are this focused on weight. That’s why I can’t really reconcile this whole Tyra thing. Yes, it’s absolutely terrible what people are saying. But it’s also a little difficult for me to balance my sympathy for Tyra against the backdrop of the lifestyle that she once promoted. The fashion industry has historically not been kind to anyone who is not ridiculously skinny - and it has made girls like me feel bad about ourselves for years. Why is Tyra surprised to hear differently now?