Today was one of those days – for about a zillion reasons – that I wish I could make go away. And I am not the kind of girl who says that lightly. I believe that things happen for a reason. I believe that you have to take the good with the bad. I believe that everything is a life lesson.
And still, today stunk. Major league, rotten shrimp left for days in a handbag, stunk.
Unfortunately, one of the things about my blog is that I am not anonymous. There are folks who know who I am so I can’t always say as much as I want to, though my husband would beg to differ. So, I can’t give you all of the details of my horrible day. Let’s just say that it involved a personnel decision and that is not my strongsuit. I felt terrible afterwards. I called my mother twice (those of you who read regularly understand that means it’s a HUGE big deal). And while I know absolutely that it was the right thing to do, it was a horrible, terrible, ugly feeling. It was not made any better by the person who asked me later how I could sleep at night.
Now, my stomach hurts.
This whole ordeal was followed by what I can only describe as an insulting conversation wherein an organization that I volunteer for (yeah, make sure you read the part about the volunteering), that I spend at least 10 hours of my time, away from my girls, away from my work, away from my writing, per week, insinuated – no, said – that I need to leave my son at home. This is the scoop. Chris and I have had an understanding with all three of our children that, except for close family and REALLY close friends, I would not leave the children with a sitter when they were very young and could not at least respond to questions about their experience. It’s an important rule to us and one that I have never broken with any of my children. I have lugged each of my kids to meetings, to seminars, wherever I had to, when Chris wasn’t around and I had an obligation. I exercise discretion – the kids wouldn’t go with me to court, for example, or to something like the WHYY taping on tomorrow. But, for civic meetings, volunteer meetings, etc., they came with if Chris wasn’t available. Tonight, I gave up a Wine Tasting (sponsored by my firm) to attend an important meeting for this volunteer organization. Charlie has been a bit fussy all day and was initially fussy before the meeting (slept completely through the actual meeting). One of the other volunteers asked if they should chip in to get me a sitter. I told them I had a sitter – that the girls were with Super Nanny but that I wouldn’t leave Charlie with a sitter and Chris was at the firm’s Wine Tasting. I specifically asked if my having Charlie at the meeting was a problem. The answer was "no" but that they wanted to know if it would help me out. I understand what they meant.
Again, I understand that having a child along at all times of the day and in every situation is inappropriate. But I have also been very clear that my children are my priority and, if I am to spend the kind of time that I do at these volunteer functions, then the deal is that my kid goes, too. He is NOT disruptive. If he cries, I leave the room. I am an excellent multi-tasker (aren’t all of us, as parents?).
I hated the question. I hated more that my child was seen as an interruption but a cell phone ringing or answering a Blackberry during the meeting was not. I think, as a society, we have our priorities a little screwed up. And I don’t know what to do about it.
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You are my hero!
Really, it takes guts to bring the kids everywhere. And those looks. I remember them–I still get them, and I will get them again.
Let’s take a stand! If more women did what we did, well, then there wouldn’t be an issue would there be?
(coming from a mom who had to work from home all with with her kiddo cause he has pneumonia. And boy did i get the e-mail and phone calls that I wasn’t in the office!)