But What If She Doesn’t Like Me?
The conversation went, more or less, something like this:
…but I don’t think they like me. I tried… but I think they just didn’t want to talk me.
And yes, it was on the playground. And no, it wasn’t Katie. And it wasn’t Amy. It wasn’t me, either, even though you know I’ve been down this road before. It was a friend. And the others? Also friends.
What do you say when your friends don’t seem to get along? Or worse yet, when your friends’ kids don’t get along?
Before kids, this was easy. I usually just invited everyone to everything and hoped for the best. Happy hours were large, casual events. With a drink in hand, almost everyone found someone to talk to.
But when kids crept in, things changed. There was always the one roaming eye in conversations, trying to keep up with chatting and watching the kid(s) at the same time. The bragging started (”my daughter is already potty trained… how long has it been since you started trying?”), the defense mechanisms kicked in (”but then, our family has always been small”) and social events just became, quite frankly, less enjoyable. As time went on, you could add to already awkward moments, the added complications of different schools, day cares and athletic leagues. The result? A full blown separation.
I remember, in law school, when Chris was wary about me meeting his college friends. They were so different from his law school friends - and me. We used to regularly joke whenever we came close to mixing company that it was “worlds colliding” a la Seinfeld. And eventually, it all worked out.
But with kids, it never feels like it will work out. My circle of friends is odd, I’ll admit, pulling from a lot of different worlds. And I never expected that everyone would get along all of the time. But I find the polarity - and sometimes the glaring omissions at parties and other events - tough to take sometimes.
Not only do I feel weird for my friends, I feel weird for me, too. When I can’t sort out my own social circle, it makes me feel like I don’t quite fit either - if I’m not 100% crunchy/focused on career/churchy/mommycentric/crafty/kept/trendy/earthy/casual/chic - who am I exactly?
Sigh. Why can’t everyone just get along?