lawmummy

God I hate litigators.  If you’re a litigator, I so apologize, but you know what I mean.  I hate that whole posturing "it’s a game" and "it’s all about winning" mentality.  What about doing the right thing?  What about the truth?  Why is it somehow appropriate to beat someone down, to cause a show, just to prove a point or two but not really for the purpose of actually resolving anything?

Sigh.

So, it’s no stretch to figure out, given my rant, that I went to court today.  Court is my least favorite part of being a lawyer.  In court, it’s rarely about the truth these days.  It’s about puffing and lying and making someone believe your version of the truth.  I hate it.

Opposing counsel has been, to say the least, not stellar throughout this process.  In fact, much of what we were quibbling about today involved staggering attorneys’ fees for redoing work that should have been done properly the first time.  Tax returns were filed late or not at all.  Income was mischaracterized.  Debts and expenses were treated as though they were interchangeable when they’re not.  Fees and commissions were overstated.  And the expert witness knew nothing.

Opposing counsel, however, realized that the truth isn’t ultimately what you seek in court.  So he walked around a lot, he objected a lot, he was loud.  Apparently, that makes you credible in the legal field.

The most dramatic part of the day came before all of this pageantry.  In the moments before our hearing, counsel attempted to negotiate a settlement.  His ammo?  That my "vacation" had slowed things down.  I interrupted to tell him that he knew that I was on maternity leave and not on vacation and he freaked out.  It so was clearly a purposeful mischaracterization meant to imply that we were somehow not communicating because I chose not to be available - as if I was lying on beach in Bermuda somewhere instead of a hospital bed having a baby (nevermind that I had alternate counsel available and nevermind that he had spent three months avoiding the matters at hand in our case).  Can you imagine the gall?  This never would have happened with a male attorney.  Never.  Okay, clearly a male attorney couldn’t have taken maternity leave - but if a male attorney was out for personal reasons, it would never have been thrown at him as a trial tactic.  Call me a raving feminist but it’s true.  Female attorneys who take time off for family are viewed as easy targets.

And I wasn’t having it today.  Having rearranged my schedule to feed Charlie before trial, and having had Chris rearrange his schedule to watch Charlie during trial (since we do not leave him with Super Nanny at this age), I was livid that he would throw this up at me.  And so I corrected him.  Twice.  And I interrupted him to do so.

His reaction?  He yelled at me and stormed away, throwing the door to the courtroom open so hard that it slammed into the wall, shaking the courtroom.

Ah, professionalism. 

I was so glad for the day to be over.  I never want to deal with this guy again.

To quote Clarence Darrow:  The trouble with the law is lawyers. 

Yeah, it’s the return of Top Ten Monday.

The topic of conversation at my in-laws over the weekend was what you would do if you only had six months left to live.  My mother-in-law said that a friend of hers would start smoking, but that she would eat every thing that she wanted and max out her credit cards traveling.  My father-in-law couldn’t think of anything at all - how cool is that?  He more or less felt like he had done and said everything that he wanted.  I aspire to be like that.

Me?  Here’s my list of the top ten things that I would do if I only had six months to live:

1.  Fight to have my niece removed from her mother’s custody and placed with her father (my brother).
2.  See the Grand Canyon with my kids.
3.  See Niagara Falls with my kids.
4.  Splurge on a couple of really nice bottles of wine, like the 1980 Beringer Private Reserve Cab Sauvignon or 1999 Mondavi Reserve Cab (nearly $200/bottle).
5.  Hike the Appalachian Trail - or at least a chunk of it.
6.  Try my hand at stand up comedy.
7.  Fly in a helicopter over Ayers Rock.
8.  Make a movie about my life (including my childhood) that my kids could watch when I was gone.
9.  Ride on the Orient Express.
10.  Eat at the best restaurant in Tuscany.

You?

Despite the fact that I am sure APL is shuddering at the site of a Philadelphia Eagle on my blog, I am already counting the days to football season officially begins…  Preseason starts next Sunday.  HOO.RAY. 

And for those of you who don’t "get" football, let me tell you what you need to know:

FOOTBALL = AUTUMN = NOT 100 DEGREES.

FOOTBALL = LAZY SUNDAY AFTERNOONS IN FRONT OF THE TV AND NOT AT THE OFFICE.

FOOTBALL = SNACKS FOR NO REASON + BEER.

You don’t actually have to like the game, just good weather, snacks, beer and TV.  And who doesn’t like that?

She doesn’t look like trouble, but trust me, looks can be deceiving.

In addition to hurling herself out of strollers, taking giant spills down the hallway and other accidental touristing, she is proactively seeking out ways to get injured.  Yesterday, in the pet store, Katie was looking at goldfish and mollies.  I look around and Amy has managed to lift the top of the tanks and has her hand in… THE PIRANHA TANK.  That girl will be the death of me yet.

It’s hot outside.  So hot you can’t breathe hot.  And today is just the first in a string of what is expected to be a major heat wave in Philadelphia.

It’s the one time of year that I wish I lived in North Dakota.

Apparently, in addition to being offensive, breastfeeding is also dangerous.

Thanks to ccw for directing me to this fabulous quote:

Republican Rep. Seitz from Ohio implied that breastfeeding is dangerous and could result in a lawsuit:

"Slip-and-fall type cases," Seitz said.

Specifically, Seitz is concerned that milk en route from a woman’s breast to a
baby’s mouth could be spilled on the floor, thus creating a slippery
floor.

So, the other day I was starving.  I picked up my sandwich and started to eat and was promptly surrounded by a crowd of folks, all of whom wanted to watch me eat - why, I’m sure I don’t know.  The fact that I was eating a sandwich in public was grossing some of them out so I was asked to leave and either eat at home or in the bathroom of the restaurant so that I didn’t make anybody else feel uncomfortable.  All of this despite the fact that nobody really had to see what I was eating if they weren’t staring…

Okay, so none of that really happened.  But if instead of this being about me and my sandwich, it was about babies and breastfeeding, it happens all of the time.

I’ve commented about this before.  But couldn’t resist another post after seeing this ridiculous article on CNN.com today.  The article, in case you don’t want to follow the link, is about the public outcry from this cover of BabyTalk:

On the web site for BabyTalk, you can also download a "license to breastfeed" which give you state specific information about the legality of breastfeeding in public in your state.

The article inside the magazine was meant to encourage breastfeeding.  The cover, however, received more complaints than any in the magazine’s history.  Um, really?

Okay, this is what I don’t get.  This woman in Texas was quoted as saying she shredded the magazine because she didn’t want her 13 year old son to see.  Quoting from CNN.com:

"I
shredded it," said Gayle Ash, of Belton, Texas, in a telephone
interview. "A breast is a breast — it’s a sexual thing. He didn’t need
to see that."

Really, Ms. Ash?  Has your son ever been to the drugstore?  Because there are breasts directly promoting sexuality (unlike this cover) all over the covers of Maxim, FHM and Sports Illustrated.  And I’m willing to bet that your son has strolled over to take a peek at those on more than one occasion.

Let’s do a little comparison, shall we?  Which is more sexual?  The cover of BabyTalk as shown above or this month’s cover of Maxim (fairly tame for their standards):

Or this cover of SI:

Has your son ever been to a movie?  Breast galore.  Or watched Baywatch?  Why is it that you’re not protesting that media?  Of course not, because that would be silly.  But breastfeeding?  Right.  Let’s nip that in the bud immediately.  This notion that we are okay with breasts being flaunted in public for entertainment but not for sustenance absolutely boggles the mind.

Ms. Ash continued:

"I’m totally supportive of it — I
just don’t like the flashing," she said. "I don’t want my son or
husband to accidentally see a breast they didn’t want to see."

Flashing.  Right.  Cause that’s what we mothers are doing when we’re breastfeeding.  Flashing.

Hey guys!  Come check out my sexy engorged breast in this hot nursing bra!

And as to the "accidentally see[ing] a breast they didn’t want to see", not sure how they grow the boys in Texas, but as between my brothers, my husband and their respective friends, they pretty much always want to see a breast.  I think you meant to say, "I don’t want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast that I didn’t want them to see."  Let’s be honest.

And another mom commented,

"Gross, I am sick of seeing a baby attached to a boob," wrote Lauren, a mother of a 4-month-old.

Then look away.  It’s that simple.  I actually have fairly large boobs but even I don’t take up the entire landscape.  If I’m discreetly feeding a baby and it bothers you, look away. I’ll be out of your line of vision completely in about 15 minutes anyway.  And if you’re trying that hard to see my breast, then more power to you.  Just don’t bitch about it later.

And as to the sick part?  Guess what?  I’ve posted before (more than once) that breastfeeding isn’t a day at the fair.  It’s not my favorite thing to do, PC to say that or not.  But it’s what I believe is best for my baby (I guess that should be plural since I have breastfed all of my children).  It’s the single most healthy thing you can do for your baby - that is undisputed by medical experts. 

I also don’t get the argument that it’s a choice to breastfeed in public.  Says Rebekah Kreutz of
SisterhoodSix, a blog on mothering issues:

"I respect it and think women have the right," says
Kreutz, 34, of Bozeman, Montana. "But personally, it makes me really
uncomfortable."

"I just think it’s one of those moments that should stay between a mother and her child."

I guess it’s a choice in that my option is to never leave my house otherwise.  I am not a carbound person.  I’m a city girl.  I can’t lock myself the back of my car every time Charlie needs to eat (though you may recall from my other posts that folks have stared into my car while I was breastfeeding and then proceeded to be offended).  The baby gets hungry when the baby gets hungry.  And I try to be discreet.  I use a blanket.  I don’t webcast the feeding, it’s not on the Sony Jumbo Tron in Time Square.  But if it’s in the park or the store, it’s still public.  And in that regard, with people milling about, it’s not really a moment that we’re sharing alone, now is it?

I am so, so very tired of this argument.  And the fact that it’s being made by women infuriates me even more.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this country has some serious priority issues.  How the issue of breastfeeding can be at the forefront of an argument about morality and decency is something I’ll never understand.  I sure hope that when my girls grow up, they never have to worry about this nonsense.  Maybe we’ll have our priorities straight by then.

PS -  In Philadelphia, it’s illegal to prevent a mother from breastfeeding in public.  The ordinance is as follows:

City Ordinance 1996 Amends Section 9-1105 of the Fair Practices Code
entitled "Unlawful Public Accommodations Practice" to prohibit a
breastfeeding mother from or segregate a breastfeeding mother within
any public accommodation where she would otherwise be authorized to be
irrespective of whether or not the nipple of the mother’s breast is
covered during or incidental to breastfeeding.

On the way to work this morning (I was walking), I received an appreciative hoot out of a car window.

My feminist side was annoyed.  How dare some idiot marginalize my accomplishments as an attorney and a woman by reducing my worth to a hoot.

And my feeling chubby and underappreciated mother of three side?  It was thinking "Oh yeahhhhhh…."

Before bedtime, I insist that Katie goes potty.  She generally complies.  But some nights, she resists, insisting that "no pee and no poop are coming out."  Tonight, she expanded on a theme, assuring me that "the pee is taking a nap" and that "he’ll be really mad if we wake him up."

Where does she get this stuff?

My friend Laura sent me the link to myheritage.com which is apparently all the rage of late.

You can upload your photo, it scans your face and matches you to your celebrity twin.  This is what I have learned:

I do not need bangs.  Ever.  With bangs, I tend to resemble celebrity drag queens (well, Liza Minelli and Kathleen Turner).  Without bangs, my twin is fellow Welsh girl Charlotte Church (who I love, unlike that other Welsh girl) followed by Brittany Murphy (post Clueless) and Grace Kelly (Chris’ favorite hottie, and Philly’s own).  Whew.  Not so bad. 

Katie resembles Brad Pitt, whom I have always said was pretty.  And Amy resembles a Bengali poet. 

Bored at the office or at home?  Try it, it’s fun, it’s free.  It requires registration to play along, but that’s easy enough.

Oh - and for kicks - run all genders!