lawmummy

Jeez, I’m trying to help the Flyers out all that I can, but this screwy NHL schedule isn’t helping.

I am not saying that my children would be directly responsible for the Flyers winning the Stanley Cup, but let’s consider the facts:

On the two nights that the Flyers have won, Amy was in the pajamas.  The three times that the Sabres have won, no pajamas.  And today was an afternoon game - Amy was sleeping peacefully in Valley Forge Park in Suzanne’s car while the Flyers were playing.  No pajamas.  No win.

Again, I can’t say for certain that it’s all Amy.  But I did pretty well in math in school and she’s 2-0 in the pajamas, 0-3 without.  Statistically, wins in the pjs versus wins without the pjs, to quote Jon Lovitz in "A League of their Own":  "That would be more!"

So, the next time that the Flyers play will be on May 2.  It’s an evening game.  Amy will do her part - she’ll be in the pajamas.  I just expect Peter Forsberg to do his…

Okay, my stress level is down considerably (thank goodness) from last week.

I managed to write all of the checks for the firm on Friday, get the payroll stuff to the accountant, and grade all of my papers.  I wrote my final exam and sent it off to the dean "just in case" and taught my last class of the semester on today.  I finally got the baby an outfit to come home in and actually put it in the wash, as well.  I packed a bag, of sorts, for the hospital.  And thankfully, Chris bought more mulch and I spent much of the day weeding and watering my poor, neglected garden while Chris and Katie mulched.  Well, Katie stomped, Chris mulched. 

I feel like I have a lot off of my plate - the yard will not die, the baby will not come home naked and we will not be evicted at the office for failing to pay rent.  It is a much nicer feeling.

Combine this with the fact that I now have a free morning for Chris and I (Suzanne and Madeline are taking the girls to fly kites on tomorrow) and I am practically giddy.

Well, sort of.

My neighbor who was due two weeks after me just had her baby over the weekend.  A little girl, no name that we know of yet.  So, congrats to her (mumble, mumble).

Can one be giddy and envious at the same time?  I’m losing the baby lottery.  Sigh.

I asked about my progress at my appointment on Friday.  None.  So despite the nausea and contractions, I am still the same-o 1 cm dilated.  My due date is on Thursday.  I asked about induction and my doctor refused to even discuss it.  She says that I have had two healthy deliveries before so no need to be excited.  Yeah, but she doesn’t resemble a large zeppelin at this point and I do.  Yuck.  On the plus side, the weather has been absolutely lovely.  With Katie, we had a random April/May heat wave with some of the highest temps on record - and no central air.  So, my complaining will only go so far.  The weather is nice, I am feeling relatively okay and I haven’t burst into spontaneous tears since Friday morning. 

But I’m making no promises about tomorrow…

Poor Amy.  Those pajamas are never coming off.  Her Dad put her in them again tonight - and again the Flyers won.  It was all Forsberg.

If something seems a little askance in the world today, it’s because the winds of fate have finally shifted at my house.

Yes, it’s true.  After a week that has brought me to tears more than once this week, caused me to fire off mean-spirited emails to my husband (since I didn’t actually get to see him) and saw me yelling quite a bit at the girls, something finally went right.  Well, two things.  One, I had some good Carolina BBQ last night for dinner.  After a week of jellybeans and other sundry junk foods because I was too exhausted to eat after getting things together for the girls (never fear, they ate properly), I finally had a real dinner.  Two, the girls finally slept in the same room.

You see, since my house has been sold and the other house around the block that was for sale turned out to be a train wreck, we are back to the original idea of improving the one that we have.  For now, that means that in order to use the nursery for the baby (if he or she ever decides to show up), Katie and Amy must share a room.  Katie, for one, is over the moon about this idea.  She loves the idea of having Amy in her room.

We bought Amy her "big girl bed" last week.  Until last night, she had yet to sleep in it at night.  Not because, as you’re probably thinking, she wasn’t used to it or she didn’t like it, but because her big sister would simply not shut up.  At all.

Katie is a chatterbox these days.  And nights, apparently.  Everytime we put them to bed, Katie would start talking.  And talking.  And talking.  She would blame her dolls, the stuffed animals (Mom, it’s not me, it’s Bear!"), you name it.  And Amy is one of those kids who likes her sleep.  So she was NOT happy. 

One night, I heard banging on the door and when I opened it, there was little Amy, half-asleep, with her beloved duck in one hand.  Without saying a word, she dragged herself down the hall into her room, where she waited to be put into her crib.  She went to sleep immediately.

Of course, every night that Amy has gone back to her room, Katie has burst into tears, "But I want Amy HERE, in MY room!"  And we explain to Katie that she has to be quiet for Amy to remain in her room - and she promises that she will be and then she doesn’t.

Last night did not start off in a promising manner.  There were lots and lots of giggles after the door closed.  And then, about half an hour later, total and complete silence.  Chris and I were contemplating whether they had killed each other or what.  I was scared to check, lest I disturb whatever weird karma was happening, so I didn’t.

Just before I went upstairs to bed, I popped in, as I always do, to check on them.  There they were:  two little girls, in their own beds, sleeping nicely. 

Now we wait for the wake up…  Amy almost always gets up first and wants to go and wake up Katie which we usually don’t allow.  But now, we have no control over it since they’re in the same room.  I think Amy may extract a little revenge from her sister…  That’ll teach Katie to keep Amy up all week!

I don’t have tons planned for the day.  I am going into the office to get some work done (perhaps) and then going to the doctor later today.  Let’s all think "Baby!"

I foresee stinky PJs.  Really stinky PJs.

You see, the Philadelphia Flyers were expected to lose this hockey play-off series to the Buffalo Sabres.  And they started out making it look like that would happen fairly quickly, starting off the series down 2 games. 

Last night, Chris managed to make it home before the girls went to bed (remember hell week?).  The girls were in the tub when he arrived home and he took Ames out to get her ready for bed.  He promptly put her in Flyers pajamas.  And last night?  The Flyers managed to win by the score of 4-2.  It was the Peter Forsberg show.

That said, here is all that you need to know about sports in Philadelphia:  our teams always let us down (thanks, A.I., thanks, Donovan) and my husband is a rabid, rabid hockey fan. 

I’m not a betting woman, nor superstitious, but based on the remarkable Amy-in-Flyers-pajamas win last night, I am guessing that those pajamas will not be washed unless and until the Flyers are eliminated.  I am further guessing that, stinky or now, Ames will find herself in those pajamas for the rest of the playoffs. 

Yeah, you might not want to come by my house any time soon… 

Got an early morning phone call that my Super Nanny was sick and can’t come to the house today.  She’s a lovely person, as previously reported, and I am sure that she would never, ever call in sick unless genuinely so.  And she has a big school project due this week (she’s a Master’s candidate) and is so sick that she actually went back home, as in back to her mom’s house in another state, so it must be fairly awful.  So, for one, I hope that she’s okay.  The girls love her and she’s so great to them.  And, she’s so darn nice.

On a selfish note, this whole week has been a disaster.  Because of the marathon meeting on Tuesday, I spent the day with the girls on yesterday.  Today, I had a list of things to get done pre-baby (I’m due a week from today) - you know, things like packing my bag for the hospital, buying some newborn diapers, going to the library to return books - in addition to work-related things like paying some work bills that are due over the weekend, assembling my print-outs for class on Saturday, grading papers, returning client calls… and… did I mention that I woefully forgot to get my secretary flowers on yesterday (Secretary’s Day)?  I never forget that kind of stuff.  And I did.  So I must make it up to her today.

I can feel my blood pressure rising exponentially.  Chris is not around (again) to help and my list is so long that it takes up two yellow pad sheets.  I’ll never get it all done.

Sigh. 

Anybody want to have a baby for me?  I’m a little too busy and stressed to manage right now.

Note to self:  Never practice in LA.

You see, I have always assumed that LA was more laid-back than the East Coast when it came to matters such as work ethic.  Maybe it was all of that sunshine and bleached hair…  But I was wrong.

In today’s law.com, there was an article about a panel of in-house counsel at a National Association of Women Lawyers event in Los Angeles.  Among other gems, they said such things as:

"If there’s a family crisis or something with the kids or other
clients, we don’t care about it — get the job done," Linda Louie,
general counsel for the National Hot Rod Association, told an audience
of about 100 women Wednesday. "You are a commodity to us — show me how
you can solve a problem."

Commodity.  There’s team-building for you.  Wouldn’t you just love to work where you’re referred to as a commodity?  Thanks for the heads up, Ms. Louie.  Note to self:  Avoid the National Hot Rod Association when considering potential job opportunities (and boy, wouldn’t that look super on the ol’ resume?). 

Okay, not to invoke any personal bias about the kind of work that any other attorney does, but please:  What kind of legal issue is so pressing at the National Hot Road Association that it would take precedence over your family and other clients?  Note to potential clients:  If your attorney works for the National Hot Road Association, keep this in mind.  You do not come first a la Ms. Louie.

Much of the advice cited in the article, barring Ms. Louie’s spew, made sense with respect to balancing home life and work life.  I do make judgment calls when discussing my children (or not), when making calls from my cell phone while at home and the like.  It’s common sense.  In my line of work, clients often enjoying hearing about my children.  They are making decisions about how best to provide for their own families, I think they like the notion that it’s not a cold, corporate decision.  And, in fact, all of the estate planning attorneys at my firm are women.  Perhaps that actually gives us an edge.

In the corporate world, I know how to be professional.  I don’t need advice about how to answer my phone or conduct my business.  Believe it or not, ladies (meaning those at the conference), many of us had the wherewithal to go to college, law school and land a job without your pithy little comments like:

Louie said she expects undivided attention, too, even if she calls in the middle of the kid’s soccer game.

"I don’t want to feel I can’t call them at home," she said. "I think that’s an issue."

Here’s a tip for her:  Not everyone wants to be contacted at home. 

The more I hear, the more I’ll bet that life at Ms. Louie’s house is a barrel of monkeys…  Actually, I feel sorry for her and women like her.  I’m sure that she’s out somewhere in her expensive hot rod (what else?) feeling somewhat fulfilled - one would hope, at least.  But this is a woman who has a family - a family who apparently never comes first.  She made the choice to have a family, which granted, isn’t everyone’s choice, and yet is very public about the fact that her career is always first.  I can’t imagine a scenario where her children are happy about that.

So much for balancing home and career.

I was at a five hour meeting last night.  I didn’t go to sleep without giving my girls a hug and a kiss, even though they were asleep and didn’t notice.  This morning, Amy gave me a huge smile and said  "MOMMY!" with a huge hug.  It has already made my day.  Today, more or less, they get my undivided attention.  They are entitled to it - hot rod emergency or otherwise.

I realize that’s my choice and perhaps my choice doesn’t work for everyone.  But I am also not touting my choice at bar seminars as what’s "best" for anyone else.  I don’t refer to people who work for me as "commodities" - they are good people who I am happy to have as employees and as friends.  And whereas Ms. Louie’s hiring style revolves around "the work, not the relationship", I beg to differ.  I spend a fair amount of time at work.  I want to like the people that I work with.  I realize that this isn’t always possible but I do the hiring at my firm, so I make the effort.  Likewise, Ms. Louie could make the effort, she chooses not to.

Ms. Louie’s defense is that she "was trained mostly by men when
it wasn’t as cool to have kids."  Some defense.  Until I opened my own firm, every partner that I had was male.  And while I realize that in society, it has become more acceptable for women to have children and work, it is still not encouraged in the workplace.  Notwithstanding that, Ms. Louie had the choice, having experienced that attitude from her male supervising partners, to take a different path - and she didn’t.  Instead, she chooses to rail against achieving a balance between home and family by promoting her own "work is everything" ethic.  I guess sometimes, we women are our own worst enemies.

I don’t claim to have all of the answers.  As you know if you’re a regular reader, I constantly struggle with balancing home and work:  it is not easy.  But I also know that it doesn’t get better by choosing the absolutes - by definition, that’s not a balance.

As women, we shouldn’t beat each other up about these things.  And maybe I was a little harsh on Ms. Louie - after all, I’ve never met the woman.  But I can’t imagine what compels a woman to make such statements to colleagues.  I have my own theories but I’ll save those for another day.  Right now, I am going to do something that I find constructive and worthwhile - I am going to have pancakes with my family.

No one should ever have a five hour meeting.  Ever. 

I’m having one of those weird relationship weeks.  No, not my own.  My husband and I would have to be in the same room for at least 10 minutes to qualify as having a relationship this week - and that ain’t happening in between the doctor’s appointments, German clients in town, various and sundry meetings and oh yeah, we have those kids to worry about.  Chris refers to the week as the "week from hell."  He’s making me a little nervous since when he left this morning, he called it "day one of hell week."  I asked if he had forgotten about yesterday…  Hmm…  But then, he didn’t have to wear a suit on yesterday.

The relationship in question belongs to my friends.  They just don’t seem, um, happy anymore.  Not in the perpetually smiley way - who can manage that in your 30s with small children - but just generally.  Conversation is stilted.  And, quite frankly, my friend’s husband seems resigned.  You know, that aura of "my life will never be better than this moment" and not in a good way.

I am not the only one who has noticed.  Chris has noticed.  This is not a man with remarkable powers of observation with respect to these things.  And for that reason, my friend should be frightened.

How do you even have that discussion with your friend?  The "I think something is wrong with your marriage" talk.  Not that I want to be involved, because I don’t.  I don’t want to feel like I have to take sides or anything.  But at the same time, it can’t be any less awkward than standing around listening to the voids in conversation broken up only occasionally with bickering.

Ultimately, I know me and I know that I won’t bring it up.  It’s not about me and I wouldn’t know what to say anyway.  But in the interim, it’s terribly, terribly awkward and I worry for them.

Sigh.  Life would be so much better if I could make all of the rules.

We were eating lunch recently when Katie suddenly sits up, points behind me to a well dressed bald man and yells at the top of her lungs, "MOMMY!  THAT MAN HAS NO HAIR!"  So, I am totally embarrassed and I tell her that it’s not polite to point and to be quiet.  The man was very nice about it.  But Katie kept staring.  And then she says, again, loudly, "But Mommy, I WANT him to have hair.  He’ll get cold!  Hair makes you warm."  And I tell her to be quiet and stop pointing.  And then she looks right at him, rubs her hands through her hair and says, very saucy, "I HAVE HAIR!"

It was really funny and embarrassing at the same time.  When we got home, we had a talk about how sometimes people look different from us but we need to be polite and not point and not stare because people can be different on the outside but we’re all the same on the inside.

But now, every time I see a bald man, I think "I HAVE HAIR!"