lawmummy

Weird caveat du jour: I wrote this post on yesterday and wasn’t able to post it sooner because of Verizon connectivity issues (see rant below). When my DSL finally resurrected (thanks, Verizon, only about nine hours to get back on track today), I saw this post on Angry Pregnant Lawyer, who referenced this post by 11D. I guess this issue is on a lot of minds, thanks to this article by Linda Hirshman, who I didn’t know of until today. I promise more on this issue - a lot more.

I will start out by saying that this is the most difficult blog entry that I have written to date; I have struggled over it more than any other topic. I will be honest and say upfront that I worry about how this particular post will be interpreted, whether your collective opinions of me will change… I guess we’ll see.

It’s about choice.

I have always been about choice. But as I get older, I wonder if our choices are really ours. And I wonder whether our concerns about our choices are really products of the actual choice - or fear of the reaction to the choice.

As women, we have fought on many fronts for our choices. One of them is the choice to work.

I know there are women who want to work.

And I know there are women who don’t want to work.

And then there are a bunch of women somewhere in the middle. They are the women who may not want to work, but have no choice – and then those women who, by their other choices, find themselves “forced” to work. I can’t understand the latter. And yet, I have a lot of friends who are in this boat – one friend wants desperately to quit her job but wants a new car that costs half of what my house costs. Another loves to surround herself with the “finer” things but can’t do that on one salary.

But at the end of the day, that’s a choice, isn’t it?

I am facing my own set of choices now, with baby #3 on the way: to work or not to work? And if to work, to be full time or part time? And for how long?

First, let me say that I love my job most days – I am good at what I do, I have worked hard to get where I am today and I am fairly well respected by my peers (as much as you can hope from lawyers!). Second, while we are not flush, we can afford for me to stay home. I realize that, on the one hand, we are lucky. But more than that, we have purposefully designed our lives to be simple and relatively non-materialistic. We rarely drive and thus, do not have an expensive car. Our house is not a mansion – we didn’t buy more house than we needed just so we could show off. Our girls are dressed well but we are thrifty with their clothes; I don’t get the need to spend hundreds of dollars on single outfits for toddlers – or for me, for goodness sake. We don’t waste money on “toys” for us – our TV is the same TV that we’ve had for years, and I don’t know what an Xbox or a Playstation looks like. Bottom line: we choose not to spend lots of money so we don’t need to make lots of money.

That said, we are in a position that I could leave my job if I so choose.

But I don’t know what I choose.

While mulling this over, I was reminded of the episode of Sex and the City when Charlotte decides to leave her job at the art gallery to concentrate on being a wife and potentially, a mother. She accuses the other women, especially Miranda (of course it would be the lawyer!) of being judgmental. The other women, in turn, tell her that she isn’t comfortable with her choice – and that it’s not really her choice because it’s so influenced by outside factors.

That really is how life is played out, isn’t it? As women, we have struggled so long to be allowed to make our choices. But some of us – and here I am totally including myself – don’t know what the choice really is.

I see the stereotypes of women all over – the working moms versus the stay at home moms. We have very succinctly, as a society, pigeonholed and classed those two groups of women. And we are all defensive about it.

I will admit that I have been uncomfortable in the company of a large group of stay at home moms. I was at a brunch where the women, who assumed I was one of “them” testily gossiped about the selfish working women that they knew… One specifically said that studies proved that children need their parents around and that it was simply selfish for women to work at the expense of their children. Funny, because I read a study that indicated that working women spent as much quality time with their children as much as stay at home moms did (note that the study focused on quality time). And there I go being defensive.

But I don’t feel comfortable on the other end of the spectrum either. My children have never been in fulltime daycare even though I work fulltime; we have chosen to change our lives so that I can work and have my children around. I left a bigger, better paying job to start my own law firm long before my children came. And while pregnant, I was head-hunted by a prestigious Center City firm to manage their estates department; I chose not to even go in for the interview. I knew that I preferred a different lifestyle than what would naturally flow from that choice. After I had my first child, she went to work with me every day, starting the week after she was born - one of the consequences of having your own firm is that you don’t have the “luxury” of an extended maternity leave. After the birth of my second child, both of my girls went to work with me until my youngest daughter starting walking more (and thus, trolling for trouble to get into). Since then, Chris and I have split our schedules so that there has been relatively little call for daycare. It’s worked for us and I have made it clear that, under no circumstances, do I want my kids in fulltime daycare.

So where does that leave me?

Actually, it leaves me with lots of choices. And again, I know that I am lucky to have those choices. But like Charlotte and Miranda, I wonder whether these choices are actually mine – or are they so influenced by others that no choice I make will be the “right” choice?

I have debated about this over and over. Chris and I discussed it for a bit today. He found it difficult to believe that there are women that I knew who would think differently of me if I took some time off. But I know that the answer is yes, there are. I have friends who would consider my taking some time off the same as holding up the white flag. Why is that?

Do they, like me, feel so uncertain about their futures that they label others without consideration for what’s best for us as individuals? As moms? As women?

Why are we so very critical of each others’ choices – these same choices that we have worked so hard as women to earn? Are we so afraid of being labeled “Desperate Housewives” that we’ve chosen to ignore the alternatives? Or have we agreed with the Hollywood stereotype of the cold career woman that we shun the idea of careers altogether?

It’s a tough issue. And I hope that we, as women, can somehow learn not to be so judgmental about the choices that each of us make. We beat up ourselves enough – we don’t need to beat up on each other, too.

It will be a miracle if this even posts… I have Verizon DSL at my
home and office. I do so because I don’t really have a choice.
Yeah, yeah, they claim that there are choices but Verizon has
cleverly cornered the market so drastically that even DirectTV, which
used to offer satellite internet access now “refers” its customers to
their local phone company’s internet service. Yep, you guessed it,
mine is Verizon DSL.

I have hated and despised Verizon for years. I’ve desperately
switched carriers - to Working Assets, Qwest, Broadview, etc., each
of whom generally gets eliminated eventually in my area and relegates
me back to Verizon. It is truly a no win situation.

The thing is, even when you switch to a different company, you’re
still on Verizon equipment. It’s a vicious cycle.

My hate affair with Verizon started soon after I moved to
Philadelphia. It got worse when I opened my business. The low
point, in particular, came in 2001, when a lazy Verizon “repairman”
actually threw an envelope FROM HIS VAN out of the window onto my
office stoop rather than go inside to install service. His excuse?
It looked like we were closed (we had tinted windows at the office)
so he didn’t think we were there - despite the fact that we had an
appointment. It took us two more weeks to get someone to come out to
install service. Since that time, we struggled with disconnecting
their “fax forward” service which seemed like a good idea at the
time, until we returned from our vacation to find out that it’s
impossible to turn off; our faxes continued to be forwarded for
approximately one month after our return, despite our numerous
complaints. It got worse when we tried moving our phone lines - it
took Verizon a month after our appointment to make the switch and
then they screwed up the DSL lines. We now have it on two lines
since they couldn’t connect to the “old” line for months, explaining
to me that if I agreed to install it on a second line, we could get
it done within a few weeks, if we wanted it on our “old” line, since
they lost the installation order (again and again) and had to move it
to the end of the line, we would have to wait several months. We
agreed to the first option with the understanding with Verizon that
they would eventually switch our service over. That was in June
2004. It is now November 2005. We’ve tried and tried to get Verizon
to make the switch. They won’t unless we “agree” to pay yet another
installation charge (to correct their mistake, we’ve already paid for
two installations, amazing since they don’t actually come to our
office or do anything) and sign an additional service agreement. And
I could go on… The problems with the voice mail. The fuzzy
connections. And my recent favorite, when the technician was working
down the street and switched the lines at our office with someone
else’s home service. But you get the picture.

Sigh.

At some point, I’ve given up trying to fight them. They are bigger
than I am. They clearly don’t care about me, my business or customer
service… I even took one of their surveys lately, ranking my
experiences as “extremely dissatisfied” and their response? A note
at the end of the survey saying that they were sorry that I wasn’t
happy, that I should call and fix it.

Hmm.

Have you ever called Verizon? First, you get about 10 minutes of
annoying voice menus since they apparently don’t hire many live
people anymore. When you finally do get a person, they inevitably
can’t help you. Today’s call, after two days of practically non-
existent DSL was particularly frustrating. I had to call directory
assistance to get their phone number since I can’t access the
internet. When I did get connected, the agent told me there were “no
problems” in my area, despite the fact that I cannot connect from
home DSL or at my office DSL (separate accounts/connections), about
two miles away. He then told me he couldn’t trouble shoot a Mac and
would have to transfer me - he also recommended I check out their web
site, despite the fact that I explained that I couldn’t connect to
the internet (and he’s in tech support, why?).

Each and every time I have been transferred to tech support for
Verizon DSL for the Mac, I have had to stumble through a conversation
with someone who does not speak English. And I do not say this as a
xenophobe. I say this as a fairly well-traveled woman who knows a
little Spanish, French and Italian. My husband is fluent in German.
I think being multi-lingual is great. But that’s the key. Multi-
lingual means speaking more than one language. Pretending that you
know English doesn’t count.

Grr.

I’ve just had it. If I had a practical option tomorrow, I’d take
it. Hell, at this point, I am willing to run wires through my own
body, using my tooth fillings for extra connectivity. But I’d
probably have to use Verizon wiring.

I can’t believe that Senator Specter sees the Eagles’ treatment of TO
as against the practically non-existent anti-trust laws in our
country but believes that our phone and internet services are
actually products of a free market. But then, if we actually
enforced those laws in the phone service arena, we might actually get
(gasp) service. And clearly we couldn’t have that.

(Postscript… Six hours of no DSL today. And the formatting is off because I ended up sending it via email from another source rather than the web. I thought about reformatting it but I am too tired and grumpy.)

So, as I mentioned before, Thanksgiving dinner at the house was a success (I was going to link here to my Thanksgiving blog, but Verizon is being most uncooperative, so if you’re interested, check the November archives - it’s called “Put a Fork in it”). And, of course, we now have a refrigerator full of leftovers, which really ain’t so bad – except that, under no circumstances, even pregnant, do I need to have two half pies and a jello salad in my house. So, today’s top ten is Thanksgiving leftovers - the stuff that remains in my fridge…

Surprisingly, turkey does not make this list. We grilled a fresh turkey (it was terrific) and wisely purchased only a 13 pounder. After Aunt Diane took some home, there was none left.

1. Jello Salad. Mom doubled the recipe. Only half of it was eaten – it was a huge pan. So, now we have eight squares remaining.

2. Gravy. All of the dressing and turkey were eaten. So we have a half a pan full of gravy now with nothing to serve with it.

3. Potatoes au gratin. I made these using a recipe from Rachel Ray (who I both love and hate). Unfortunately, the silly Acme didn’t have any heavy cream so my sauce was a little lacking. About half of the potatoes remained.

4. Brussel sprouts with bacon. C’mon, I added both bacon and sour cream. How did this NOT get eaten?

5. Profiteroles. I made a ton of them. You always think that there aren’t enough until you’re serving them. And then you realize that you have too many desserts to hope that everyone will eat three profiteroles.

6. Pies. Speaking of desserts, I don’t bake (other than the profiteroles) so folks brought pies. And did they ever. Even with Chris’ parents taking them home, I still had two half pies remaining.

7. Carrots. I made a little dish from a magazine with carrots, lime and pecans. It was yummy, I’ll do it again, but next time I won’t use two pounds of carrots.

8. Cheese. I’m not really upset about this one. I love cheese and bought a ton from the Italian market for appetizers. It will get eaten eventually.

9. Crackers. I don’t think my dad liked my choice of crackers (Carr’s and Sesame Thins), so they bought more (about twenty boxes of Wheat Thins, okay maybe I’m exaggerating a little). We also had bread. So, now we have a ton of crackers.

10. Coke. My parents don’t drink beer or wine – and Dad won’t drink water at meals (I put some out). Mom will drink water but Dad drinks Coke (can’t you tell he’s Southern?). Nobody in our house drinks actual Coke with sugar – I drink Diet from time to time but we don’t like to keep sodas in the house because I don’t want the girls to expect it at meals. You can never tell with Dad – last time we bought a two liter and he was mostly through it before dinner even started. So, this time we were prepared and we bought a bunch for Dad –which are now taking up space in the fridge.

In my efforts to be more mummy, less law, I embarked upon a mission to be crafty just before Thanksgiving. I will confess – I had a blast.

Last week, I ventured into suburbia in search of a craft store. I settled on Michaels, which, I was pleasantly surprised to find is… gasp… kind of fun. Notwithstanding the ridiculous traffic to and from the store (I had to pass King of Prussia mall on the way), it was a really good-sized store – not so big that it was Wal-Mart-ish (no, I am not a fan) but large enough to be filled with lots of nifty, crafty things. I was a little giddy.

With the girls in the basket, I wheeled from aisle to aisle, searching for hot glue guns, tempera paints and pom-poms. A word about the pom-poms… The plan was to make (among other things) turkey placeholders out of pom-poms. It was a Martha Stewart craft, and, in keeping with all things Martha, actually suggested that you make your own pom-poms. Martha, here’s a tip: you can buy a big ol’ bag of them, ready made, for about $4. So I did. I also loaded up on googly eyes, contact paper, felt in a gazillion colors and pipe cleaners. I spent a lot of money (yes, it is possible to spend more money on craft supplies than clothes). And boy it was fun.

First up on the craft list was turkey placemats. We were anticipating eleven for dinner, including kids, so I had scheduled lots of time for these. The plan was to cut out tracings of the girls’ feet and hands to make paper turkeys, which we would in turn seal in clear contact paper. Sounded easy. It started out well but Amy got bored quickly and decided to pull the fingers off of the hand cut-outs much to Katie’s dismay. She then shimmied over the contact paper - again and again. After several hours, we had one completed. I decided that was my limit.

Next on the list were turkey napkin ring holders, from the Family Fun web site. This was a huge hit. It involved both painting and permanent markers so Katie couldn’t have been more excited. We made twelve of them, which turned out to be a good thing since our dinner guest list expanded to thirteen. To make the napkin ring holders, you basically paint lots of craft spoons and glue them to a paper towel roll which has been painted and cut. Add some eyes and a wattle and you’re all set. Sounds bizarre, but they were really cute and we had such fun making them.

All of the craftiness has inspired me to attempt some Christmas crafts, with an eye towards ornaments or some such decorations for the grandparents. Despite trips to several bookstores, Viking and Williams-Sonoma, I can’t seem to locate any books or magazines with suitable suggestions – relative beginner as a parent (though I was quite the crafter as a kid, I will say) though not so “easy” as to be annoying (the cut-outs that you paint and call an ornament won’t cut it). So, if you have any suggestions as to where to look, let me know… Until then, I’ll be in the family room playing with the hot glue gun…

I had the opportunity to do something this weekend that I haven’t been able to do in a long time… No, not sleep, but almost as good. I went to the movies.

I was asked over Thanksgiving how long it had actually been since I’d been to the movies. That called to memory my Granddaddy Joye answering the same question, years ago. “Why,” he replied, “The last time I went to a moving picture show…” We cut him off, “Granddaddy, say no more.”

Similarly, while I have been since they actually started “talkies”, I was taken aback at the price of movies. We went to a matinee – seven bucks! And the popcorn and soda? My friends and I got a combo and I told Suzanne that she might have to cosign a loan for me… Which makes me veer even more off track to say that my big beef with United Artists (where we saw the movie) is that the “combo” packages do not have prices on the signs. You have to ask at the counter and, get this, the staff doesn’t know without entering a code into the register. But now I’m really off point.

We went to a matinee of Walk The Line – which I have to say is just phenomenal. I will admit to being somewhat biased to begin with. I love country music – real country music - and was raised on the Carter Family on Grand Ol’ Opry. I can totally remember sitting in front of the TV with the Opry on, Mom rolling my hair for church with big pink foam rollers and Dippity-Doo, as I was mesmerized by the performers. So, I had high expectations.

Reese Witherspoon was superb as June Carter. I was a little nervous, I’ll admit, that this was going to be Elle Woods with an accent, or whatever character she was trying to play in Sweet Home Alabama. But she was just excellent – incredibly multi-faceted. And the singing was tremendous. I’m sure you’ve heard a zillion times that both she and Joaquin Phoenix did their own singing – but you can’t completely understand what an undertaking that was until you see the movie. There is a lot of singing and they both just did a great job. If they don’t both get nominated for Oscars, there is something definitely wrong with the Academy (this is, however, the same Academy that gave both Catherine Zeta Jones and Mira Sorvino awards, so they don’t get it right all of the time).

I was a little baffled by the criticism of the movie levied by Johnny Cash’s first wife’s daughter… I had heard that she was distressed that her mother was unfairly portrayed as a shrew, resentful of Cash’s career, and subsequently walked out of the screening of the movie four times. I didn’t get that at all. With the exception of one snippet of a scene, I thought her behavior was justified, based on Cash’s drinking, drug use and infidelity. I kept waiting for a scene in which she unfairly railed against his career – it didn’t come. Overblown by the media, perhaps, to create some buzz? Maybe.

It was also apparent to me in the first few moments of the movie that, as with a ton of other things, having a child (or two, or three…) completely alters your perception. In the first few scenes of the movie, watching Cash deal with his father’s disinterest in music and, in fact, his own son, affected me on a different level than it would have before. I couldn’t help but think about Katie’s own obsession with music right now (yes, she’s even taken to bowing after a song and saying “Thank you, thank you” to no one in particular). It’s odd to think how, as parents, we have the potential to influence our children throughout their whole lives – and yet, at the same time we find it odd, we know from personal experience that it is true. In much the same way that Cash had to come to terms with his childhood demons as an adult, we all do. But we also have this capacity to change the course of our children’s lives, and that, when you think about it, is an amazing responsibility.

This is not to say that children are destined to follow the paths as set by our parents or our grandparents. Cash certainly didn’t. I certainly didn’t. What is true, however, is how much each one of us carries with us this need, at some point, to justify our lives to our parents, to have our parents approve of our activities. I still desperately seek my parents’ approval – at the same time that I swear that I don’t need it. I want my parents to like my house, to be proud of my career choices, to think that I am doing the right thing as a parent, even while I say that I am so much different from them that it doesn’t really matter to me what they think. It so does matter. And I guess that was one of a couple of messages that I took from the movie – that our children are always watching us and want our approval.

Of course, Cash’s story is both cautionary and inspirational. Cautionary because it showed the dark side of getting what you think you want, and inspirational because it was about chasing a dream and not giving up – or having someone give up on you. In this age of “star building” a la Nick and Jessica, I think more folks would do well not to confuse talent and fame. They are not the same thing, no matter what Paris Hilton thinks.

And so, I am glad to have had the opportunity to eke out a few hours to see this movie. It was worth the price of admission and yes, even the small fortune spent on popcorn and Diet Coke. While it was entertaining, it reminded me that I am lucky to have a husband who believes in me, who encourages me to follow my dreams, even the ones that seem wacky and even if I carry a little bit of my own baggage from my family not believing the same thing, that’s okay. But mostly, it remains a voice in my head to tell my girls that they can do whatever they set their minds to. Life is not always easy, and it doesn’t have to be, but having the support of loved ones sure can make a difference.

(Psst… Photo is from IMDB.com)

Thanksgiving is done. And it was a really nice Thanksgiving this year, too, so except for the wild exhaustion, I am a little sad to see it go.

We missed the parade today, despite the best of intentions. We had family in town and the girls were tired since they were off their schedules, so they slept in a little bit. They were still in pjs at 9am when the parade began, which practically never happens. And it was kind of nice to have a leisurely start to the day.

My parents and my sister-in-law, with her son, were all in town for the festivities. Katie and Amy were very excited to see their cousin. Despite the fact that they have, count ‘em, seven cousins and another on the way, they rarely see any of them. One lives in NC, two live in SC, one lives in CT and three live in Jordan - as in across the ocean Jordan - so the cousin visits are fairly rare. Katie, especially, loves the idea of cousins, so she wouldn’t leave the poor guy alone…

My sister-in-law and her son stayed at my house for overnight. My parents did not, which my friends, who were also over for dinner, seem to think was a little odd. It is not. My parents never stay with me when they come to Philly. Mom always says it’s the way I stay friends with my dad.

I love my family, but I often think I’m the odd man (er, woman) out. I just can’t figure them out.

My mother, for example, brought her own salt to my house for Thanksgiving. Yes, salt. No, not a special dietary salt. Actual, normal salt. Her explanation was that the last time she was here, my salt was in a grinder and she wanted “real” salt. Notwithstanding the fact that the salt in the grinder is, in fact, real, I have plain ol’ Morton’s in the pantry, too…

And despite the fact that I live in the fifth largest metropolitan region in the country, my parents seem to think that I do not have a grocery store (odd because my mother actually went with me to a grocery store - Trader Joe’s - just last night). They pack for a visit as if they will never be able to buy anything for the entire duration of their trip. And it was for this reason that their bags were searched on the plane en route to see me. My mother actually had - in her luggage - two aluminum pie pans, two cans of condensed milk, a bottle of lemon extract, lemon peel, a can of crushed pineapple, a box of lemon Jell-O and the aforementioned shaker of salt. Perhaps security was concerned that she was considering baking on board? Or plotting to down the plane, resulting in mass starvation for all except for my parents who would dine on pineapple and condensed milk while the others stared hungrily a la “Lost”? Once at the house, despite packing the entire contents of the Ogden Harris Teeter, my mom realized that she didn’t have sugar. She actually asked if we had sugar in the house. I almost said no, just to see what would happen. Pandemonium? Would she have it shipped from NC? Because surely we couldn’t just pick some up from the Acme here. But I relented. Sure, I told her. We have sugar. What a relief.

I can’t figure them out. Luckily, I don’t have to. As they get older (and me, too), I’ve come to understand that I will never understand. And that’s a fairly big thing for me.

But I am glad that they came. Mom was a big help at the house. Despite my dad believing that she can do little for herself anymore, she was at the top of her game. She played with the girls - much to Katie’s delight! She whipped up a tablecloth from some old fabric we had at the house within a few minutes. She made a pie (yummy), a jello salad, a dip and some gravy for dinner. She was the mom that I remembered - and that was the best Thanksgiving gift of all.

Katie has been going through a phase wherein she delights in referring to me as “Kelly” and her daddy as “Chris.” Yesterday, when she wanted something, she was yelling, “Kelly…Kelly!” I had a talk with her and explained that I wasn’t “Kelly” to her, I was “Mommy.” A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I was working from home, so I answered it “Kelly Erb” in case it was work-related, at which point Katie stood up, hands on hips and yelled, “You are TOO Kelly!”

Ahh. The wisdom of children.

Egads. I didn’t have time to post this on Monday, so I am retroactively posting - I couldn’t miss two top tens in a week!

I’m having a big gathering for Thanksgiving (we even got a real dining room table this year, with a leaf and everything instead of our historic pushing tables together! I feel so grown up!) so today’s top ten is my list of things I love about Thanksgiving.

1. The weather. I live in Philadelphia where the leaves have turned and it’s nice and crisp outside (okay, some years, pretty darn cold). This is the way it should be at family holidays - lots of people jammed inside wearing (in my family’s case) holiday themed sweaters.

2. The parades. We used to go to the Macy’s parade every year when I was younger. 9/11 changed that. Sadly, my mom is one of those people who is scared to go back to NYC so we don’t do that anymore. But the Philly parade is lots of fun, there are balloons, marching bands, floats, the whole kit and caboodle. So, we’ve been doing that every year for the last few years with the girls. I love it - and it’s a whole lot easier getting home via Regional Rail (SEPTA) than waiting in that disorganized Penn Station in NYC (what it is about that train station?).

3. The craftiness. Ok, I am not Martha Stewart. I do, however, enjoy crafts and what better time to make crafts than Thanksgiving/Christmas? I draw the line at things like making my own pompoms for pompom turkey (does Martha realize that you can actually buy them?). But Katie and I have painted lots of craft sticks this go round in an attempt to make turkey napkin rings and it’s been fun - not to mention good quality time with the girls (although Amy has insisted on eating the paint instead of actually painting).

4. The food. I love to eat. And there’s lots of food at Thanksgiving. What other time of year do you have a choice of like three desserts? And still have your mom saying “Eat, eat!” instead of “Kelly, don’t you think you should watch what what you eat?”

5. Football. Yeah, the Eagles suck this year, but there is still something terribly gratifying about football on Thanksgiving.

6. Days off. Nobody expects you to do anything on Thursday (of course) or Friday (unless you work retail, like Kristin). But in a job where we’re expected to work every day, including Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve, it’s nice to know that we have a long weekend to look forward to.

7. Family. My family is wacky, no doubt about it. And my patience with my extended family can run fairly thin. But I love that I get to see my parents - and sometimes my brothers and their families around the holidays. For whatever reason, we have been able to get together more frequently on Thanksgiving than any other holiday - maybe it’s the days off?

8. The Italian Market. The Italian Market is an amazing treat in Philadelphia - an amalgam of sights, sounds and smells - from fresh cheeses to meats to produce. The market is always open but it’s particularly bustling at Thanksgiving. I’ve gone twice just this week. DiBruno’s smells like I hope heaven does.

9. Turkey frame soup. Technically, this is Chris’ item, not mine. He looks forward to turkey soup for weeks after the holidays. I, of course, swore off turkey with my first pregnancy when I was particularly nauseous - so we had lots of frozen turkey parts for about a year (we had to throw them out). But Thanksgivings after that were not off-limits. I’m pretty sure that Chris is secretly praying that the new baby likes turkey soup - otherwise he’s out of luck for another year!

10. It means that Christmas is coming!

From Phantom Scribbler - if it’s bold, I’ve seen it.

Airplane! (timeless, hysterically funny)
All About Eve
Amelie (and thus my daughter became Amelia)
Annie Hall
The Apartment
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Blazing Saddles
Bringing Up Baby
Broadcast News (wildly overrated)
Caddyshack
Le diner de con
Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (you’ve got to be kidding me)
Duck Soup
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Four Weddings and a Funeral
The General
Ghostbusters
The Gold Rush
Good Morning Vietnam
The Graduate
Groundhog Day
A Hard Day’s Night
His Girl Friday
Kind Hearts and Coronets
The Lady Killers
Local Hero (my people are Welsh, how could I not?)
Manhattan
M*A*S*H
Monty Python’s Life of Brian (I think I am one of ten people in the world who can’t stand Monty Python - though otherwise I think John Cleese is brilliant)
National Lampoon’s Animal House
The Odd Couple
The Producers
Raising Arizona
Roxanne
Rushmore
Shaun of the Dead
A Shot in the Dark
Some Like it Hot
Strictly Ballroom
Sullivan’s Travels
There’s Something About Mary
This is Spinal Tap
To Be or Not to Be
Tootsie
Toy Story (how could this make it and not Monsters, Inc?)
Les vacances de M. Hulot
When Harry Met Sally… (I’ve seen this enough to make up for ones on the list that I haven’t)
Withnail and I

And now my additional comments -

Woeful lack of classics on the list. No “Thin Man” movies? No “My Man Godfrey”? No Rock Hudson/Doris Day?

Someone missed the mark. Big.

First of all, best wishes to Mark from the Long Cut, who hasn’t been feeling well!

He poses the question, "What song would you want played at your funeral?"

Morbid, yeah.  But I’ve also thought about it.  Not only do I advise about death for a living (estates lawyer), I’ve had to think through how to explain it to my children.

I have two songs, both country (ahh, Chris is loving this set of November posts already).  Here they are, with lyrics.

From Martina McBride, "In My Daughter’s Eyes":

In my daughter’s eyes, I am a hero.
I am strong an’ wise,
And I know no fear.
But the truth is plain to see:
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I wanna be, in my daughter’s eyes.

In my daughter’s eyes, everyone is equal,
Darkness turns to light,
And the world is at peace.
This miracle God gave to me,
Gives me strength when I am weak.
I find reason to believe, in my daughter’s eyes.

An’ when she wraps her hand around my finger,
Oh, it puts a smile in my heart.
Everything becomes a little clearer.
I realise what life is all about.
It’s hangin’ on when your heart has had enough;
It’s givin’ more when you feel like givin’ up.
I’ve seen the light: it’s in my daughter’s eyes.

In my daughter’s eyes, I can see the future.
A reflection of who I am,
An’ what will be.
An’ though she’ll grow an’, some day, leave:
Maybe raise a family,
When I’m gone, I hope you’ll see,
How happy she made me,
For I’ll be there, in my daughter’s eyes.

And the other is Garth (again!) with "The Dance":

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared ‘neath the stars alone
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you’d ever say goodbye

And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn’t I a king
But if I’d only known how the king would fall
Hey who’s to say you know I might have chanced it all

And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance

Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I’d of had to miss the dance

I like the vibe of both of them.